Sam and I first connected over the movie, (500) Days of Summer, through Million Little’s Creative Leadership program. The film is about Tom, who projects all of his romantic ideals onto Summer, his love interest. 

A motif in (500) Days of Summer is Tom’s perspective going from color when life seems to be going well, to black and white when he is in despair. Like Tom, I tend to use black-and-white thinking to make sense of the world. The nuance, chaos and unknown within the grays of life is not quite as comfortable as the neat, convenient categories that black-and-white thinking offers me.

Sam immediately wanted to know my opinion, as the movie tends to split audiences on who the “bad guy” was in the story. I shared that while I had a different perspective when I was younger, I thought Tom was unfair to Summer and that he was the reason the relationship didn’t work.

Sam said she agreed, but insisted that Summer had a role in the demise of the relationship, too. In that moment, Sam challenged me to understand that there may be more to explore in the story than just picking a side. This is the first of many times Sam invited me to sit with the gray.

As the program went on, Sam spoke about her loved ones, aspirations, interests, and experiences and how she understood them. As she processed aloud, at times she was passionate, other times she was unsure, and oftentimes she held multiple truths at once; however, no matter what she felt, she practiced a deep acceptance of reality. She held space for the grays in her life and was still motivated and optimistic, fulfilled in her role as a caretaker, and a matriarch of her family.

Sam modeled for me what it’s like to let in the uncertainties and ambiguities of life, and still be safe and content. Her wisdom will remain a token for me as I learn to welcome the grays in life, too.